Book Report – not much just chillin’ the hidden lives of middle schoolers

I’m setting in my office while my daughter (Lindsey 11 yrs old) is playing with 3 of her school friends out in the youth area. She loves having friends over and the talk is always interesting to me. Reading through Linda Perlstein’s book, “not much just chillin'” has given me an insight of how my daughter’s relationships (and my boys in years to come) will morph into something different than they are right now.
At the very end of the book there is a Q&A time with the author that I found very interesting. One of the questions asked was, “Is there one main thing you want people to take away from Not Much Just Chillin’? and Linda says, middle schoolers do, “get it!” and I totally believe that.
As I look through my notes in the book I realized I have highlighted more in it than any other book I’ve read. I have so much I would like to share but I will put in down to two key thoughts.
Middle school kids get it but not totally when it comes to sexuality. In Linda Perlstein’s chapter “it’s not you it’s me” there was a big WOW moment for me as she shared what she heard and seen concerning the kids and their understanding of sexuality. The sex talk is all over the place though most if not all of them are not involved with a sexual relationship, yet. Here is one interaction she shares, “Jackie approaches the table with her lunch tray. Kevin has stolen her chair, so she wallops him on the head with a carton of milk. ‘You got three boobs,’ he responds, and reaches toward one of them.” “O my!” and there were other interaction like that that stunned me. This reinforces to me that we must share a clear Biblical perspective of sex to our kids now.

The other key thought was about parents. “Parents influence … more than any other source” in a middle school kids life. Parents need to hear over and over again that they are the number one influencer. Here is a great thought from the book, “He (dad) can accept that she isn’t totally grown up yet, which affects not just her sometimes babyish television choices but her ability to stay sane in the face of the small annoyances that seem so huge. All the while, he can’t be insulted about what she doesn’t share; he needs to realize that his attempts to help just increase her anxiety, and what may seem like absence of action is doing something after all.” A parent needs to be a parent and that will be the most effective and loving thing that can do for their young teen. Parents need to “decided when to hold her close and when to let her solve her own problems” and parents know how to do that for their kids the best.

Middle school kids are the most challenging but greatest group of people on the earth to work with (for me). Anyone who says this needs to read this book and let it impact their lives and the way they work with middle school kids. The principle at Linda’s school she was at said, “You never know who you’re getting through to, That’s middle schoolers for you.” I love it.

Lightwedge - for reading at night

I've become a regular reader (though nothing like our associate Pastor Kim Pagel) and because of this I've found myself reading at night. Now my wife likes the fact that I'm reading so much but she doesn't like it when I stay up to read and keep the light on. Well into my life comes a whole bunch of night lights and I have not found one that was any good for me until last month. The Lightwedge book light has made my night time reading excellent and lets my wife sleep. I would suggest to anyone to get one if they are a regular reader at night like me.

Prayers this month - July 07 (a little late)

I haven't had a chance to have a 1/2 day retreat since the first of July. Today I got a chance to do that. I looked back at my journaling from July and it was a very interesting read. I went through Genesis 26-50 during that time and it really made me do a lot of reflecting and contemplating (something I like to do) about my life. These prayers are a reflection of those contemplations.

Lord, you used Isaac in many ways and you had him go through both good and bad times, Lord my I be like Isaac through all things. Thx for 14 years of good and bad times with Lisa I looking forward to 41+ years with her if You want it.

Lord you picked Jacob to see the going and comings of your kingdom, you are allowing me to see your kingdom being built in these young kids, Lord may I never say "if" unless you want me to because I want to be the best instrument you have to impact middle school/jr hi kids - USE ME LORD! Pls

Lord you are all things to all people. You have made us - you maid Leah and Rachel you used them to bring yourself maximum glory help me to understand my part to give you maximum glory.

Help me Lord to understand how to take out the "household gods" that I have in my life and worship you alone.

I really don't deserve anything I have but yet God blesses me. I pray that I may be like Jacob and show love and loyalty to my God for all He has done for me. May I be a tool in His hands to love Him and others just that much better today.

After reading Gen 34:15 - Lord this is another hard idea for me to think about help me to see your hand in all this.

Lord may I someday be a Jacob in your hand - use me! pls!

Lord, I want to just say "I'm ready" for what every you ask me to do, but I'm scared because this is a very dangerous prayer - look what happened to Joseph. Help me Lord in my fear of honoring you.

Lord I need your help - show me where to go!

Lord you blessed Joseph is so many ways and he only worshipped you and honored you. May I be like Joseph in Your hands.

Lord, may I have the ability to prosper for you (not for me) to bring you maximum glory.

God I want to impact this world and you have chosen me to do that through Middle School students. Just like Joseph was used by you to save the people of the world from the famine and place your people in Egypt my I be your instrument to impact the world through these wonderful kids.

Lord help me to be sensitive to the different situations you place me in so that I might respond as Joseph’s steward did (Gen 44:10).

Lord may I suffer (if you want but if not that is fine with me) for you so that you may receive maximum glory.

Lord, help me to have the heart of Joseph - willing to do all I can for you no matter what position or circumstance I was in - use me Lord. (Note: I wrote the prayer the day my grandmother went home after a life worth living.)

Whole different group of friends!

I haven't posted thoughts of middle school ministry since this post and I thought it would be good to place some thoughts I have been recently thinking. When it comes to our kids sharing Christ with other middle school students in their lives I wonder if we are missing something to help them.

We just developed our own purpose statement for IMPACT (we've always used the church's) which says: "IMPACT is where middle school students are given opportunities to take spiritual steps forward." Now this statement isn't for the students but for the adults and myself who are working and raising our kids. As I was thinking about this I read Kurt Johnston's blog and came on this post he had done recently. This made me do a lot of thinking and one big thought was - since our kids see a different group of "good" friends at church then they see at school these "good" friends are directly connected to church which, in their minds, is connected to salvation/Jesus. They don't see a need for salvation/Jesus for their school friends because they already have "good" friends. I wonder if we need to re-think how we set up our programs so that more students will be involved in Jesus and not involved in us and our programs. Just thinking - what do you think?

Lindsey starts 5th grade

WOW! It is here and I'm still stunned. Lindsey (my 11 yr old) started her final elementary school year on Tuesday (Aug 21). She was excited and so fun to be around. Her friend and her got matching clothes for the day and they looked great. WELL done Lindsey and I'm looking forward to walking with you through your 5th grade year. May the Lord use you this year. You can click on the picture to see more pictures.

Book Report – Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas

NCBC’s Sr Hi youth Pastor Mark Forstrom recommend and preached (he called the message: Different ways to worship) on this book recently in “Big Church” for Sr Hi Sunday. I must say this was a very spiritually eye opening book for me as I discovered “words” to explain how I enjoy worshiping and bring glory to my Lord. Gary Thomas shares in his book Sacred Pathways nine different spiritual temperaments (pathways) that one could have. No one will have all of them (in fact some pathways can irritate some and excite others) but we could have a number of them. I discovered that three of these pathways really are strong in my life while the other six aren’t. I’ll share those three and what they mean to me. I highly recommend to everyone to read this book and get an idea of what your spiritual pathways could be.

My biggest “AH HA!” moment came late in reading this book. I knew that I enjoy thinking through (contemplating) different parts of God. I have found myself off-and-on in my life just staring at a wall or a tree contemplating Him. But I didn’t really understand that it was part of my wiring and really I thought I was wasting my time. But as I read through Gary’s chapter on contemplatives - ideas of what I’ve done in the past really started to stand out to me. I got excited that God might have made me to contemplate Him with a passion deep inside me. “Time is one of the best gifts we can give God, and contemplatives want to give God plenty.” I’m realizing that I get energized and am able to do much more for Him when I get to give Him my time – a complete focus on Him. I’m really looking forward to contemplating Him more and not think that I’m wasting time.

My second pathway was the one, when I started to read this book, I thought would be my #1 pathway. I love to care for others – I’ve been a caregiver almost all my life. When I was in the military I was a supply guy and I really enjoyed helping my fellow soldiers get what they needed to do their jobs. I’ve found that as a middle school pastor for IMPACT I get to do that even more. Just this week I found out that a family needed some school supplies for their kids and I was more than excited about helping them.

Another “AH HA!” moment (as I read the book) is my third pathway – I’m a sensate. I like to enjoy my Lord with my five senses. I’ve found myself physically moving to music when I’m listening to something I like. I’ve had a heighten since of God’s work in man and in his creation when a wonderful steak is cooking on the grill. I have found myself just enjoying God’s beauty around me weather I’m in the woods or on my computer. “Using our bodies to glorify God is a much better response than denying the role of the body in worship,..” I want to give God my all and I’ve realized that I can do that with my senses.

“By worshiping God according to the way he made us, we are affirming his work as Creator.” These three pathways are useful in helping me realize how I can better bring God maximum worship and glory by understand how He wired me. I’m excited about what these pathways can do in my life to help me bring God more glory.

Good bye is hard but neccsary

It was a bitter sweet day for me yesterday as we got a chance to graduate off our out going 8th graders last night. The next time we see them they will "turn the corner" to go to the sr hi. I'm so glad God allows me to do this but it is also very hard to do. Lord, open these young ladies and young men's hearts to your Word in the years to come so they might see you as they grow.

MESS FEST 2007

Mess Fest 2007 was a big hit. We had so much fun. This is a great chance for middle school kids to get messy. We had the pleasure of having eggs, oatmeal, pancake syrup, chocolate & lemon pudding, ketchup, mustard, hershey's syrup, strawberry syrup, icecream, whip cream, mud all mushed, plastered, slathered on us!

It is a perfect illustration of how sin is in our lives, and how sin makes us feel, Then when we give our lives over to Christ, and ask Him to forgive our sings, we are washed clean through his blood on the cross, that saves us. Then, we are free from the sin that so easily entangles us.

Click on the picture for a slide show of the event.

He is 6 now

Today we took a young man who last Oct. made the ultimate decision to accept Christ as His Lord to Pump it Up for his B-Day. Nathaniel Mark Eades is and has been a wonderful blessing to our family. He has brought joy and shared so much of himself not only to us but to others.

He said tonight to one of the workers at Pump it Up, "this is the second greatest place to have a party."

The employee (a boy who will be a senior is sr hi this year), "where is the first place?"

Nathaniel said without skipping a beat, "Heaven is the best place to have a party!"

The senior boy asked my wife later where we go to church at and Lisa was able to tell him about New Covenant and about the sr hi youth group.

Wow! On his birthday Nathaniel shares God's love to someone he doesn't even know. We are so blessed.

- if you would like to see some pictures of the party please click on the picture above -

A life worth living

I’ve spent the last few days with my family remembering the life of my grandmother Ruth Mildred Brubaker/Burgess/Rife and it has been wonderful. A couple weeks ago I shared with IMPACT (the middle school ministry of New Covenant Bible Church) about the idea of suffering. Pastor Bob Westfall (the sr Pastor of NCBC) had preached about suffering called The Unlikely Path to Joy and I wanted to follow up with the middle schoolers. I didn’t start with the idea that I would share about my grandmother but by the time I was ready to bring the lesson to the kids I knew my grandmothers life was going to be used to help the middle schoolers understand suffering. She didn’t suffer in any "negative" way but she suffered through the loss of two husbands (both died before her), a child, and many family and friends she cared for deeply. Grandma was simple but wonderful. She cared and loved in a way that only a grandma could. As I shared with the kids my grandmother’s life the idea that God allows suffering to help them grow, to help them be patient and wait on God, and to help them know that we have a hope and joy that is so much greater than the suffering we go through really stood out to the kids. That - and I’m sure many other stories - made my grandmother’s life worth living for.

7&8 summer trip 2007

We are finishing our 2007-08 year on a great note with our 7&8 grade summer trip to Kansas City; (we did a trip with our 6th grade at the beginning of July to Des Monies). We got a chance to do a lot of wonderful things together to make lasting memories (please click below on the days to see each days pics). We went to Shoal Creek Living History Museum where we got to clean up all of the old homes there. We also worshiped and stayed at River of Life church (where they were so gracious and let us stay there for free). We got to see my favorite baseball team win a game – The Kansas City Royals. Of course no trip to KC is really fun without a day at Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun. The last big thing we did together was enjoy a couple of hours and a meal at Union Station down town KC.

My favorite part (as always) is the bus rides there and back and to all the different places as I get a chance to spend some awesome personal time with most of the kids. What a great trip and what a great group of 7th and 8th graders. I can’t wait to see what else God will do in their lives in the future.

Day 1
Day 2

Day 3
Day 4